Wednesday 21 October 2009

POLITIVISION POST NEW LABOUR RELICS' SOCIETY ACCORDING TO A 'BRONTOPOTUMNAL' SCRIBE

by: Steven Ilchev
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Herewith, a 'brontopotumnal' list of recommendations to eliminate the current state of politi-clutter! New Labour's totally disastrous reign is drawing to a close and who knows what awaits around the corner. Surely, it cannot be as bad but I doubt pretty much that it would be as decisive and brilliant as the the inspirational Thatcherite strategies for national rebuilding. Sadly, the present-day Conservative Party is only a pale shadow to the great visionary Margaret Hilda Roberts-Thatcher who, through sheer lateral thinking, rescued a wretched economic sinking ship only to be vilified by the unenlightened Socialist factions that have no respect for a supreme English lady.

There are solutions today and one ought to familiarise oneself with them. These solutions are emblazoned in the English Democrats Party's mission statement. Cast a ballot for them if you really long to celebrate St. George's Day (also The Bard's birthday) the way it should be celebrated. Unequivocally solidify your faith in the English Democrats by endorsing their pivotal campaign for a democratically-run English Parliament that is not subservient to either Whitehall or Brussels. If you believe in co-existing with Europeans but not being political or economic bedfellows with an oppressive Soviet-modelled regime administered by their apparatchiks then it is your sacrosanct duty as an Englishwoman (man) to give the English Democrats the mandate that they deserve in order to restore much cherished English etiquette, work ethic, pride, and passion. I do not mean the type of pride and passion that seems only evident at football matches either. The country needs the complete England enthusiast who gazes at standing stones or walks on the coastline and feels that tingly patriotic heartquake so deeply that no ink can paraphrase the throbbing of every muscle within her/his human edifice!

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BRONTOPOTUMNAL RECOMMENDATIONS:
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Immigration: Bona-fide, hardworking, assimilating migrants are welcome. No asylum-seekers and no admission of anybody who openly worships Islam. In fact, there should be a requirement for Islam followers to relinquish their faith if they wish to reside here. Islam is just not compatible with Western values, full stop! Migrants found to be wiring money to their old countries and family members there will be immediately deported and given life bans. Money earned in England must be spent in England. No conversations in a foreign language will be permitted in public places. English must be spoken by migrants at all times when in public. Failure to comply with that will result in immediate deportation.

Benefits: Completely pulverise welfare and institute a temporary recourse to essentials' coupons for those who fall on hard times. Maximum period of 6 months and proportionate to previous contributions. Essentials' coupons will include H2O, food, gas, electricity, and rent. No monetary 'remuneration' for unemployed people. Chavvy behaviour will be punishable by Siberian exile.

Education: Restore all grammar schools with immediate effect and re-introduce the 11+. Restore polytechnics as well and create a more effective system that distinguishes between poly and uni academic material and people who would be best utilised as trade apprentices. Instill self-reliance in people at an early educational phase in their lives.

Crime: Police to be empowered to deal uncompromisingly with thuggery. A mandatory death sentence for murder and rape. Binge-drinking anti-social behaviour will be afforded zero tolerance. More bobbies on the beat and more police-run community campaigns. No option for parole whatsoever for lifers. Mandatory community service work for anyone who has been unemployed for the maximum permissible period of six months (the above-mentioned coupon-based support system for genuine jobseekers).

NHS: A move towards the American healthcare system is to be encouraged but with capped rates for premiums. Medical insurance revenues will be utilised to combat the growing spread of MRSA infections and there must be a committee set up to oversee the processing of clinical negligence claims that have crippled our healthcare providers and the professionals that they employ. Employers must offer special medical schemes to their employees with reasonable contributions on the employees' part and no red tape for the contributors when they make claims.

Europe: Complete withdrawal from the EU but rejoining the EFTA which keeps good trade relations with European businesses but does not bind us to any unworkable and irrelevant legislature from Euro apparatchiks. Countries such as Norway, Iceland, Liechtenstein, and Switzerland enjoy the same freedoms on their EFTA status as EU member states without having to pay taxes to Brussels.

USA: An ally every step of the way! We must nurture that relationship and treat Americans as our brothers and sisters. We must continue our special economic relationship with the greenback and by the same token snub the Euro completely and encourage other Europeans to distance themselves from the single currency in order to re-establish sovereign European states rather than Brusskies' vassals.

English Parliament: Dissolution of Westminster and Whitehall. The proclamation of an English Parliament, a sovereign English State and 'Jerusalem' as England's anthem. Elections for the office of an English President to be held immediately and St. George's Day to be declared a Special National Holiday with immediate effect. Those who have to work on St. George's Day are to receive quadruple overtime remuneration as per decree.

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